Delicious WarpTaint Heresy
by Blip-chan
Summary: Total crack involving the Angry Marines, Slaaneshi Cultists and Britney Spaers. M becasue the Angry Marines swear too much


A/N: To the amazing **Lord Mandalore**. Without him, this twisted little plot-bunny would never have been born. You are **EPIC** win and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Personal Diary; Author unknown]

The Battle of Anaria seemed to be lost. The Ruinous Powers crashed into our lines, which bucked precariously under the weight of the forces thrown against it. For days we had held out against this unbeatable foe, but the promised reinforcements did not come and our numbers dwindled. Our foes, determined to break us, had new weapons waiting for us every day. At dawn, we were bombarded by canons that seemed to shoot the cultists themselves. However, they were startlingly similar, frighteningly skinny bald females who sang bad, off-key pop songs at the top of their lungs as they were launched at us. When they reached us, we found that they had incredibly strong physic powers that lured us into a false joy before we were painfully slaughtered. By the time our men had figured out this new trick, our lines had been decimated, and we were at the breaking point. As the fight ground on, we despaired. There was no hope left. Or so we thought.

When the sun was a it's highest point, it was cut off by a looming shadow. Our troops looked up, what vestiges of hope we clung to dashed as we prepared ourselves for the final assault. But to our joyful surprise, we saw drop pods crash in the front of our enemy lines. The Astartes that stepped out were unlike any I had ever heard of. They were clad in yellow power armor, red shoulder-pads bearing an odd symbol resembling an angry face. The marine bearing the captain's insignia stepped forward, las-beams bouncing harmlessly off his armor. The shout he raised reached every trooper in our lines, the bellow of defiance ringing over the din of battle.

"ALWAYS ANGRY!"

The din raised by his men was even louder.

"**ALL THE TIME!"**

With that cry, the Marines surged into battle, our foes scattering around their charge like they were a school of fish attacked by sharks. One particularly memorable moment was one of the marines caught one of the bald cultists. He held her up, one ceramite incased hand holding her head. He stopped in the middle of the field and began looking at her, the contempt radiating from every inch of him.

"You call _this_ chaos, you mother-fucking, fairy-assed little cock-suckers?" he said snidely, waving her in the direction of the Traitor Marines who were leading the battle from behind the lines.

"I'll show you chaos, you pansies." With that, he crushed the skull of the cultist he was holding and charged back into battle, chainsword buzzing. The battle was swiftly concluded after the arrival of the Marines. The forces we were fighting were swiftly routed, and even our battle-weary troops were able to aid our new allies. In the mop-up, I was privy to another odd event involving our Marine rescuers. Apparently a few of the cultists had tried to surrender, and they had been lined up single-file in front of the captain.

"We can see the light again, if you show us the way," begged one cultist, the soft robes incasing her spattered in blood and was seemed to be pieces of armor.

"Well," the captain said, his calm voice seemingly indicating that he was giving it some consideration, "YOU CAN SUCK MY AGMENTED COCK YOU WARP-LOVING, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A GENETICALLY MUTATED RODENT!" The firing squad was quickly dispatched with utmost efficiency. As the day wore on, the marines seemed to disappear as suddenly as they had come, fading as quickly as they arrived. I made some quiet inquiries as to who these marines were, but all I got was confusion and non-answers so I let it drop. No need to bring the Inquisition on my head, after all.

Sometimes, I doubt my own recollections of those days, putting my odd memories down to battle fatigue and shock, but they were too crazy, too _real _ for my mind to make up. And even now, their cries echo in my ears.

Thought for the day: The Emperor Protects

A/N: Ah, delicious warp-taint heresy! If you don't get the angry marines, you won't get the full parody of this, so I'll explain it. In a nutshell, the Angry Marines are always angry, all the time and they have a horrid swearing problem. And as I mentioned before they're angry. For da Empra!


End file.
